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12 June 2012 @ 07:17 pm
Guts [eight]  

Title: Guts
Author: atl340
Pairing: Jalex
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: not real etc etc, title belong to all time low
Dedications: cass and bethan, also quirky_anecdote for proof-reading!
A/N: yes really

previous chapters here



---

‘How you holdin’ up?’


It was a whisper from beside Alex, and the older of the two sniffed, shrugging with his head against the cold of the car window. He watched the scenery passing by him with his notebook and pen clutched in his hands, ideas whirling around his head and if he wasn’t so distracted by his thoughts he’d probably be writing for his life. The further they drove out into the country the more picturesque it got, fields covered in red and gold leaves and a light frost on the treetops, branches weak and hanging low in the brace of winter.

Alex thought about Jack’s question as the fields continued to whirl past him, and his mind was split into two attitudes at the current moment, one more consuming than the other. This attitude was one of absolute horror and anxiety, one that had his nails dragging across his forearm lightly with just a gentle pressure to take the edge off of the itch. The older boy had decided, if only for Jack, that this week he was going to try. But it was easier said than done and there was absolutely nothing about this that was easy for Alex, not when he was being dragged away from everything he knew.

Because it was hard enough that it was winter break, that he was severed off from his routine and plunged into days of nothingness with no real purpose. But to have that and then be thrust into a whole new setting as well, a whole new place that wasn’t his own and didn’t have his stuff in and wasn’t familiar to him..

It was suffocating, if the caramel-haired boy was honest with himself. It sort of felt like he was about to be pushed into a black hole, and it was all in his head but Alex could almost feel the walls threatening to close in around him already, an invisible rope coiling around his neck and making it hard to breathe.

He was doing his best not to give that any thought, tried to push it down for Jack’s sake if not for his own. 

But then again, the mention of the younger boy just made that rope around his neck even tighter because he was scared of that too, of the fact that it was just going to be him and Jack at the cabin. 

No escape, no time apart.

It sounded awful because the darker-haired boy would never do Alex any harm, treated him far better than he deserved to be treated but regardless of that the older boy just couldn’t shake that bit of dread in his stomach.

Because as patient and understanding as Jack tried to be, Alex knew deep down that the pace they were going at with their relationship- slower than a snail- drove the younger boy insane. He knew that Jack wanted to be closer to him, wanted to do things that Alex was nowhere near being comfortable with and it was that that scared him, because he just couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that maybe at the cabin, when there were was no routine and no real life to attend to, Jack’s patience might just slip. He might want more and as much as Alex wanted to give him more he just couldn’t, at least not yet, and he didn’t want it to have to come to that, didn’t want to have to reject Jack any more than he already did. He didn’t want to see what the consequences of that might be, because no matter how much the younger boy told him differently that feeling of being on a knife edge never left Alex.

No amount of reassurance from Jack or anyone else would ever stop the older boy from feeling like his best friend would eventually snap, eventually realise that he didn’t have to suffer the woes of Alex’s Asperger’s and get up and leave.
On top of all the other things constantly there to get the older boy down, it wasn’t nice to also constantly be anticipating the best thing that had ever happened to him just slipping away.
And so, that particular attitude was hard to deal with. Especially because he knew that all of the anxieties he’d just thought of had the potential to ruin him, and ruin the cabin trip.

For once though, the situation didn’t feel hopeless to Alex. The horror and the anxiety were undoubtedly there, but there was another feeling in him that was beginning to surface more and more, almost like it was fighting to dominate that anxiety. It was an attitude Alex wasn’t used to feeling.

And that attitude, unbelievably, was of hope.

It was a spark of positivity that was very rare for the older boy. Asperger’s consumed him and beat him into the ground every day and positivity wasn’t something he really ever encountered.

But he just felt different today, and it was probably because of Jack and the older boy couldn’t help but to smile at that because sure, he was nervous, and his stomach was curling in on itself every time he allowed himself to think of all of the things that could go wrong with this whole trip, but Alex really was trying his absolute hardest to beat that. He was trying not to let the panic consume him the way it always did because it was finally starting to click in his head just the tiniest bit, that letting the anxiety swallow him up never led to good things, that it was only going to pull him back and he didn’t want that, not when he was trying so hard for the boy beside him, trying to be better.

And the thought of Jack made Alex realize he still hadn’t answered the other boy’s question. Lolling his head back against the headrest and meeting Jack’s questioning eyes he finally just shrugged, whisper of a smile on his lips.

‘Just trying not to think too far ahead’, He said softly, keeping his voice down just as Jack had because the younger boy’s mom was in the driver’s seat ahead of them. And it was a truthful answer, because Alex had long learnt that thinking too far ahead always ended up horribly. When he thought about a whole week in the cabin the anxiety flooded in and the rope around his neck tightened, but when he took it slow, thought no further ahead than just arriving at the cabin, he found he was actually okay, or at least better than he’d expected to be. 

He thought about that episode of Friends, where Chandler was freaking out about getting married and Ross had to coax him into these little baby steps; taking his shower, putting his suit on and so on without thinking of the bigger picture. Not the same situation of course, but Alex still identified with it.

And so he decided he needed to be like Chandler, just needed to keep his head clear at the moment, letting his notepad slip out of his left hand and into his lap in favour of letting Jack’s fingers find his own. They were warm and fit nicely between Alex’s and the older boy had to smile despite his anxieties, because he was getting better at that, didn’t even really have to think about it anymore when Jack reached for his hand.

Yesterday he’d even bucked up the courage to make the move first, slipping his hand lightly into Jack’s when they were looking for books in the library and it’d been completely worth it, if only to see the younger boys face light up so much, like holding Alex’s hand was the best thing he could ever wish for.

It made the older boys stomach feel funny in a way that for once wasn’t down to stress or anxiety and it was nice, it was nice that it was Jack making him feel that way. Smiling again Alex laid his head against the cold pane of glass beside him, the darker-haired boys hand warm and surprisingly comforting in his own and Alex couldn’t make this promise to himself because he wasn’t sure that he could keep it, but he just hoped, more than anything, that he would be okay this week.


Because honestly, he didn’t want to let go of the way Jack made him feel. He didn’t want fear to outweigh the butterflies in his stomach. He was exhausted, sick and tired of being consumed by his syndrome and he didn’t want it anymore. He wanted those moments of escape he got from Asperger’s when he was with Jack and he was calm, when his mind was more focused on how nice the younger boys hand felt in his own was rather than that all-consuming anxiety in his gut.
--- 

Regardless of what Alex was thinking, when the car rolled up on a gravel driveway three hours later, Jack was ecstatic. He’d only been to this place once before when he was a lot younger, but it was still as amazing-if not more- as he’d remembered. The cabin was big and broad with a glossy wood paneling, and it managed to look strong and sturdy and yet still homey and cosy, set back amongst the trees. There were a few strays of ivy crawling up from the floor and wrapping around the house and it was nice, it was gorgeous in Jack’s opinion. He was pretty sure Alex could eventually feel at home here.

‘What do you think?’

The question came from behind Jack, and he turned around to find his mom unloading their bags from the car with a smile on her face. The younger boy returned it.

‘Awesome’

He turned back to Alex to see the older boy chewing on his lip, sighing at the worry lines set on his forehead, an almost permanent feature it seemed. Jack wanted to link their hands again, like he had done in the car, but he decided not to push his luck and instead just  stepped closer to the older boy until their sides were touching, leaning down into Alex’s hair and saying ‘it’s okay’ as softly and convincingly as he could, and the older boys face still stayed set in a panicked expression but he gave a quick nod in response, shuffled himself a little closer to Jack as the younger boys mom closed the trunk of the car.

‘You boys want me to-‘

‘No’ Jack groaned before she could finish, laughing at the mock-hurt expression she put on, ‘Stop sulking, I don’t need mommy to walk me to the house’

‘No, but you do need mommy to give you the keys’ She pointed out, raising her eyebrows jokingly and then laughing when Jack blew her a kiss. ‘Here’

She dropped the small set of keys into his hand and the dark-haired boy grinned, clutching them in his palm.

‘Just please be careful alright?’ His mom pleaded, and she said it a little lower so that it was just for Jack, looking at him meaningfully. He knew she was referring to Alex and he rolled his eyes. No-one knew the older boy better than Jack and in his opinion, no one more was qualified to take care of him.

He nodded anyway, trying his best to shuffle his mom away and yet still finding himself soon forced against her chest, nose taking in her too-strong perfume as he groaned.

‘Do we have to do this mom?’ He asked, and before he could protest again suddenly he was released, and before he could stop her, it was suddenly Alex in his mom’s grasp and she knew, she fucking knew that the older boy hated that but if there was one person more disregarding of Alex’s boundaries than Jack, it was his mom.

The younger boy tensed up just as much as Alex did when she pulled him into the hug, but thankfully after a long moment of baited breath there was a tiny little smile on the older boys face, and he laughed awkwardly as Jack’s mom finally released him.

Giving a quick glare to her the younger boy shooed her to the car, and it was after a few whispered scoldings that Jack eventually said goodbye to her, watched her disappear back down the quiet road before he turned to his friend, the older boy looking a little lost and sheepish as he chewed on the sleeve of his shirt.

And for a moment Jack felt a little sheepish too, because suddenly they were somewhere new and they were alone and well…the younger boy didn’t really know what to do. It wasn’t often he had to think on his feet with Alex, given all of their time was dictated by a routine. Maybe Jack had become a little reliant on that schedule too.

Still, it wasn’t like the younger boy could show that he was just as nervous as Alex, because that wouldn’t help anything. It was only when the older boy toed the ground awkwardly that Jack eventually snapped out of it, clearing his throat and picking up both of their bags.

‘You ready?’ He asked, and Alex gave a little nod of the head and the two boys walked up to the cabin in silence, Jack dropping the bags momentarily to open the doors and his attention was diverted for a second then, eyes taking in everything as he stepped inside. And it really was amazing in there, modern yet still with a kind of old feel to it, all toasty and warm and it looked like a real home, something that was lived in and welcoming. There was a nice atmosphere to the place and the younger boy smiled, set his bags down and turned around to face Alex, although when he looked he found his best friend still standing awkwardly in the doorway, looking frightened to come in.

Jack frowned. ‘Lex?’

He walked across the wood flooring to the other boy and stood toe to toe with him, chewed his lip.

‘Are you okay?’

Alex shrugged without making eye contact, spoke softly, ‘Feels.. feels like trespassing..’

‘Hey’, The younger boy frowned, ‘Don’t be silly..it’s okay, this is our place for now alright? You.. I want you to feel at home..’

‘I.. I don’t know’ Alex mumbled, ‘I know it’s dumb but..’

‘Hey, it’s not dumb’ The younger boy argued softly, reaching his hands out with his palms facing up, ‘C’mon’

‘Jack..’

‘C’mon’ He repeated, pleading with his eyes and stepping a little closer to Alex, and it took a moment but the older of the two eventually sighed, slipped both his hands into Jack’s gently. The younger boy couldn’t help grinning, curling his fingers around Alex’s and slowly pulling him inside, and there was a little resistance but the older boy eventually stepped into the cabin, eyes immediately darting around him and settling the longest on the high ceilings, dotted with big windows that in the day time would have light pouring into the place.

In the midst of winter dark was just about to settle, a little tinge of orange the only thing left of an otherwise midnight blue skyline. Jack loved winter. He liked that it was only 4:00pm and that it was already dark, because it made the nights feel longer and he looked from Alex to the log fire in the living room and his heart ached a little bit, images of nights curled up with his favorite boy watching movies flicking through his head.

Those images were entirely too hopeful, Jack knew that much, but he couldn’t help to dream sometimes.

For now though, the younger boy just reluctantly dropped Alex’s hand and closed the door, scooting their bags over to the bottom of a spiral staircase and looking back up to find his best friend wandering through the open-plan cabin, almost marveling at the surroundings and that made Jack smile, because he was actually exploring the place and it might not have been a big deal for anyone that didn’t know Alex but Jack knew the other boy inside and out, knew that he couldn’t have been entirely frightened and panicked because if he was he’d be stuck to Jack’s side right now, moving nowhere without him.

And the younger boy liked it very much when Alex was attached to his side, but even he could agree that it was considerably better when the lighter-haired boy was doing something on his own, when he wasn’t looking so frightened and small. He was curious, and that made Jack smile.

He watched Alex for a little while longer, watched him reach out delicate hands to touch things as he wandered through the lounge, feeling the material of the sofa and the grained wood of the coffee table, before he asked ‘What do you think?’

The older boy marveled a little longer before he straightened up and met Jack’s eyes, lips turning up just a fraction.

‘Pretty’

‘Cosy right?’

‘I…yeah actually’ The older boy bit his lip, ‘I-I didn’t expect that..’

And yeah, Jack was grinning like a Cheshire cat then, and those feelings of awkwardness he’d felt outside were well and truly washed away and he was back to aching and longing to just be as close to Alex as possible. 

He liked it best that way.

The next hour and a half that followed would look comical to an outsider, Jack supposed. One thing about Alex’s Asperger’s was that as much as new surroundings scared him, once he got past that they also intrigued him. When the two of them had first started college they’d spent pretty much a whole day there, the older boy walking around the huge campus time and time again, memorising classrooms and posters and running his hands along all the surfaces he could reach. Alex couldn’t really shed much light on why he did it, but Jack remembered something in one of the many books he’d read about Asperger’s, something about
hypersensitivity. 

‘Examples of hypersensitivity:
• Touch: Does not like touch (especially when unexpected). May be sensitive to textures or different fabrics’

Not all of the symptoms identified with Alex fully but some of it rang true, especially that part. Touch was still a big issue for the older boy, even though he was getting better and better at dealing with it. Jack had come to the conclusion that maybe Alex liked to familiarise himself with the surfaces and textures of a new environment in order to eliminate that element of surprise, and to try and prevent himself from being too un-nerved by it all. It was the best conclusion that Jack had managed to come to in any case, and he followed in Alex’s footsteps happily for that hour and a half as the older boy wandered through the house, spending particular time sat on the spiral staircase, brow furrowed as his hands felt the cold metal again and again. 

Jack compared watching him do that to watching a baby explore the world for the first time, all inquisitive and a little weary. It was sort of fascinating really, and it did get a little boring after Alex planted himself on the staircase for the fourth time but the younger boy had gotten plenty of years’ experience of being patient, and he supposed this was better than Alex freaking out and crying and hurting himself.

He did eventually leave the older boy to it though, flicking his eyes to the clock and seeing it was almost 5:30pm. Back at home, that was dinner time and as much as Jack wanted Alex to venture out of his routine this week he also didn’t want to push it, heading to the kitchen and despairing over empty cupboards before he found a stack of take-out menus and quickly ordered himself and Alex a pizza, emphasising the need for a speedy delivery before he put the phone down and sauntered back into the living room to find the older boy perched on the edge of the sofa staring at nothing, look of confusion on his face.

‘Are..are you okay?’

‘I don’t.. I don’t know’ Alex answered, and he bit his lip and he just looked really, really confused. ‘I honestly came here fully
expecting the freak out y’know? I..why am I not freaking out?’

And he looked at Jack incredulously and the younger boy felt all kinds of happiness washing through him, along with relief and the absolute need to run over and throw himself of Alex and kiss every part of his face until he couldn’t breathe.

He resisted that though, instead just letting out a relieved and happy laugh and grinning so hard it hurt.

‘You’re mad that you’re not freaking out?’ He asked with a raised eyebrow, and Alex sort of laughed too, biting his lip with confusion still furrowing his brow.

‘I’m not.. I’m not mad, no, I just..I’m just surprised y’know? And not entirely convinced, I guess. I feel like I’m just waiting for the breakdown..’

And Jack frowned at that because Alex was expecting himself to freak out. He moved to sit down on the sofa next to the older boy, ignoring it with considerably thick skin when Alex scooted away from him a little and reaching his hand out to settle at the base of his best friends back just lightly.

‘You’re doing amazing’ He said quietly, ‘I know it probably feels weird that you’re handling this okay right now but, that.. that should make you happy y’know? Don’t doubt yourself, Lex, ‘cause I don’t…’

He wanted to say more but bit his tongue when Alex looked at him in that sad, pained way that made Jack’s heart stutter. The Asperger’s made touching such an issue for Alex, and it was hard for him but it didn’t mean he didn’t sometimes want to touch Jack. He did and when he wanted to he always gave the younger boy that same look he was giving him now, that ‘I want to fucking touch you but I can’t’ look that splintered Jack’s heart because no-one understood that more than him. Every day was a heart ache where he wanted to kiss and hug Alex and never let him go but he couldn’t, and it was painful and horrible and just shitty.

A quiet glance of understanding passed between them, and in the end the older boy just sighed and dropped his gaze to Jack’s hand, brushing their fingertips together softly. It wasn’t nearly enough for either of them but it was all Alex could give for now.

--- 

‘So do you wanna do that first or do you wanna do the hiking?’

Alex nibbled a bite of pizza as Jack laid out two pamphlets in front of him, one for a local fishing experience and one that was a map of hiking trails nearby. Whilst the younger boy scribbled things into a timetable he’d drawn up, Alex couldn’t help but acknowledge the fluttering in his chest with a smile.

He should have known better by now than to doubt Jack, but still he’d been wary about whether Jack would have actually looked into anything to do with their time at the cabin, because one thing that drove Alex crazy was doing nothing, and sitting around inside for 7 days was his idea of hell. But like always, Jack had proven him wrong, and now he was showing Alex endless amounts of possibilities of things to do with their days, even putting them down onto paper with timings because that was important for Alex.

‘I thought you could keep this by your bed in case you get anxious’

The older boy smiled again as he remembered Jack’s words, and he was still getting used to this new setting and by no means felt anywhere near being comfortable, but he still had to feel some kind of happiness in his stomach because Jack was just so thoughtful, and he was really trying to make this as painless for Alex as possible and he appreciated it, he really did.

‘Let’s do the hiking first’ He conceded, grinning as Jack scribbled it down into the timetable with his tongue poking out of his lips in concentration.

‘And that my friend, is that’ He declared, putting the pen down and clapping his hands together once. ‘Excited?’

Alex laughed nervously. ‘I don’t know if that’s the right word but..I’m..hopeful’

‘Well hopeful’s good enough for me’ The younger boy shrugged back, grinning and hoisting himself up. As he passed he grabbed Alex’s hand and the older boy didn’t have much choice but to follow suit and be dragged over to the sofa, Jack flopping down with a groan of content and flicking on the TV.

‘If we were at home you’d have kicked me out by now’

He made the observation thoughtfully as Alex’s eyes flickered to the clock on the wall. Jack was right. It was 7:00pm and it they’d have been at home, the younger boy would’ve been out of the door an hour ago for the sake of Alex’s routine.

The older boy tried not to dwell on the R word too much as he settled himself down next to Jack, a little closer than he normally would have. The darker-haired boy smiled at him in return before he turned his attentions back to the TV, and Alex just suddenly found himself so aware of Jack. And for now it wasn’t even in the ‘oh god we’re touching get away get off’ way that it usually was courtesy of his anxiety, but instead it was just kind of…warm. He just sort of admired Jack, in every way and it made him kind of fuzzy inside, to think that the younger boy was his, that they had this crazy intense bond that no-one –not even Asperger’s- could seem to come between.

There weren’t many times in Alex’s life that he considered himself lucky- it wasn’t really a word that fit with someone who was constantly in a spiral of self-loathing and anxiety and stress. But for the briefest of moments the older boy acknowledged that he really was lucky, because Jack was more than he deserved and he’d been put through so much by Alex in all the years they’d known each other and yet he was still there.

When in a moment of braveness he reached his hand into Jack’s lap to tangle their fingers together, and the older boy turned to smile at him with the biggest grin he’d ever seen, Alex nodded to himself and turned his attention to the TV with a soft smile.


Definitely lucky.

---

The whole ‘luckiness’ thing lasted approximately 2 hours. 

Impressive for Alex he supposed, but now he was feeling so incredibly unlucky that he wanted to scream.

He was in a new house, in a new bed, and sleep seemed like a distant memory. It was hard enough for Alex to adjust to new sheets on his own bed at home, so to be in someone else’s bed in someone else’s house was almost nauseating. And it was annoying too, because Alex was just so tired, and he wanted to sleep but he knew  it wasn’t going to happen. Especially not with his skin prickling like it was and he thought ‘here we go’, anticipating that breakdown he’d so far managed to avoid.

Wanting to put it off for as long as he could the older boy climbed out of bed and tried to breathe, biting his lip and tiptoeing out of his room and along the corridor. He was about to sit down on the cool of the spiral staircase he’d taken to when he heard the buzz of the TV, frowning and taking a few further steps down until he could see into the living room.

And then he snorted, shook his head fondly and descended down the stairs, seeing long legs sticking out at the end of the sofa.

‘You’re not very good at hide and seek’ he murmured, keeping his voice low and circling around the sofa to find Jack asleep as he’d expected. At least someone wasn’t having trouble snoozing. Alex’s plan had been to go out back and sit on the hammock he’d spotted earlier, but now he looked between Jack and the back door and eventually sighed and kneeled down against the sofa.

‘Jack..’

He stirred only a little and Alex bit his lip, lifted his hand and hesitated for only a second before he just took a deep breath and ran a fingertip down the curve of the younger boy’s cheekbone. His skin was smooth all the way down, warm under Alex’s touch and the older of the two smiled, and his stomach felt funny and a little bit anxious but mostly just..nice. It was as the pad of his thumb wandered down to Jack’s bottom lip that the younger boy spoke.

‘You don’t have to wait ‘till I’m asleep if you wanna grope me y’know’

It came out of silence and Alex stumbled back with a little gasp of surprise, heart racing and his brows furrowed, eyes glaring at Jack whilst the darker-haired boy just chuckled.

‘I hate you’ Alex grumbled, getting to his feet and blushing because he’d just been…stroking Jack’s face and Jack knew it. ‘Seriously’

‘I don’t think that’s true’ The younger boy grinned, ‘And as much as I liked what you were just doing I must ask, why aren’t you asleep?’

Alex took a break from being angry at Jack in favour of being angry at Asperger’s, grimacing and shoving hands in the pockets of his hoodie. ‘The bed.. can’t sleep’

And the smug smile quickly fell from the younger boys face, teeth gnawing at the bottom lip Alex had just been stroking. ‘Forgot about that’

‘Nothing you can do’ The older boy shrugged, and it was true.

‘I.. do you wanna watch TV or somethin’?’ Jack offered, and Alex shook his head.

‘I was gonna go sit on the hammock’ He gestured his head towards the back door, ‘Do you.. I mean..’

‘I shall accompany you to the hammock’ Jack grinned, winking as the older boy rolled his eyes but made for the door anyway.

It was cold, freezing actually, but Alex didn’t mind. The younger boy did though, disappearing back inside as Alex sat down on the swing and then reappearing with a blanket. He passed it to the older boy with the silent understanding that they wouldn’t be sharing it, because in the past that was a little too close for comfort for Alex.

He reminded himself about trying this week though, surprising both himself and Jack when he draped the blanket across both of their laps, the lights from inside the only thing to illuminate the winter darkness. As anxious and severed from his routine as he was, Alex didn’t feel as bad as he expected when Jack started to rock the hammock gently, sort of peaceful really.
He voiced this to the younger boy to break up the silence, adding ‘It’s weird’

Jack smiled softly next to him, ‘S’good though, I’m proud of you’

It was silent again and Alex lolled his head back against the hammock with a lazy smile, eyes trained on the younger boy’s. Jack was staring back at him but it wasn’t intimidating or awkward, just..warm, kind of longing, Alex supposed. He felt it just as much as the younger boy did, even if he didn’t show it. Sometimes he cringed at Jack’s touch but a lot of the time-more than Jack realized- he ached for it.

It was headache inducing stuff and Alex sighed softly and closed his eyes, lips twitching upwards when he felt a warm finger tracing his cheek.

‘You have no idea what you do to me’ Jack whispered.

--- 



weeee okay so all i can is apologise because it's been FOREVER but real life gets in the way and stuff and i'm sorry and thanks if you still read/comment on this. ily

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(Anonymous) on June 12th, 2012 06:34 pm (UTC)
amy hi it's ashleigh omg that was perFECT it was worth the wait jfklgkealhjkljesus i'm so proud of alex like he's come so far and jack's just so cUTE OMG cdklfsahjfle ilyyyy
cassiaflorencecassiaflorence on June 12th, 2012 06:44 pm (UTC)
SCREAMING SCREAMING FREAKING OUT CRYING.
I'm done okay but honestly i didnt know how smooth the transition would be cause its been so long but you picked it up again like you only wrote chapter 7 yesterday like honestly its perfect amy ahhhhh
serioudly
so so good and i am forever in your debt bc you upDATED AHHHHHH
IM SO WARM AND FUZZY INSIDE NOW
ily xx
(Anonymous) on June 12th, 2012 07:04 pm (UTC)
i am so happy rn omg this is AMAZING i am so warm and fuzzy inside i just love this whole storyline you are great ily ily please dont leave us ever again ok bye
(Anonymous) on June 12th, 2012 07:47 pm (UTC)
Just read it for the 3rd time. You picked it up so well, your writing is flawless.
yzziiatlxo on June 12th, 2012 08:09 pm (UTC)
omg i thought i was imagining it when i saw this but i love this so much like you literally just made my heart a c h e with perfectness and cute and just aWWWW
itsblaazzitsblaazz on June 12th, 2012 08:43 pm (UTC)
I love this sfm :))
jackshipsjalexjackshipsjalex on June 12th, 2012 08:49 pm (UTC)
SCREAMING OMFG THIS WAS SO CUTE OMG
I SCREECHED WHEN THIS WAS UPDATED
thank you omfg
ok bye <33
Lauradaydream4way on June 12th, 2012 09:19 pm (UTC)
ahhhhh you updated!!! this is perfect. i LOVE it. don't wait 7 months again, kk> my heart can't take it :(
kew_atl on June 12th, 2012 09:23 pm (UTC)
I'm so happy this was updated!
I'm so happy Alex isn't having some huge freak out!
Aada Lahikainenaadalol on June 12th, 2012 09:32 pm (UTC)
OH MY GOD YOU JFLGSDZG. I LOVE YOU.

But now to the fic. At some parts I just wanted to cry because my heart was aching for both of them and oh my God, you really know how to write them so realistically. I mean, it almost feels like I have Asperger's when I read this. I just... Oh God, this fic is just so perfect, I think. One of my all time favorite ficst, tbh.
kati0123kati0123 on June 12th, 2012 09:35 pm (UTC)
You can't imagine how happy I was when I saw there's a new chapter from this.
Totally in love with it from the first part, loves this chapter too. Jack is so cute, thinking of everything just to make Alex feel as comfortable as possible. Can't wait for more, like always, hope we don't have to wait too much :)
(Anonymous) on June 12th, 2012 10:04 pm (UTC)
i just.. woah. your writing is so realistic and just uhhh, idk, this whole thing is just flawless okay and, just yeah.
F0reverBr0ken/Bonniejalex_bandwhore on June 12th, 2012 10:17 pm (UTC)
so worth the wait.
I'm so proud of Alex for trying and letting Alex in more and more.
xxstayxseventeenxxkaylaprasek on June 13th, 2012 01:03 am (UTC)
kl;sadjf;lsajd;falks;d jthis was so freaking perfect. that last paragraph aaaahhhh love you!!!!!
abbyliciousnessabbyliciousness on June 13th, 2012 01:23 am (UTC)
OMG AN UPDATE! AHDOGJFNBGFGORESF OK, This was amazing, again! I cant. NO words to describe how I feel, but I reached the end and now I want to cry because I WANT MORE! You are such a fabulous writer, I am so intensly jelous. Keep writing forever and ever! This story is so cute and I love it, and im like addicted. You, this story, ahhhhhhh!
ephedrine_rubyephedrine_ruby on June 13th, 2012 01:31 am (UTC)
WHY.
WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME.
It's so damn perfect... So so perfect.
sdghid please.
Jessbarakarthjessbarakarth on June 13th, 2012 02:38 am (UTC)
Omg i've missed this! So glad you're back :D this was perfect! I'm so proud of Alex! Aah I love this :3
(Anonymous) on June 15th, 2012 04:19 pm (UTC)
AHH! I'm so stoked you got back to writing this! It's fantastic, keep up the amazing work!! :D :D
365daysofhiatusjadajackknife on June 15th, 2012 08:59 pm (UTC)
AND NOW I LOVE LIFE AGAIN WKJEHBGFTIOJWORG
(Anonymous) on June 19th, 2012 11:50 pm (UTC)
OH MY GOD THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU I LOVE IT THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR UPDATING YAY I LOVE YOU OKAY OMG.
gaskarthlovemegaskarthloveme on August 8th, 2012 07:13 am (UTC)
ahh! im so happy you updated! this is absolutely amazing. pleaseplease update soon :)
scotchbonnetxo on August 26th, 2012 07:55 am (UTC)
This made me cry. I have Asperger's and I can relate to this so much. :')
Please let it be a happy ending. :')